“Who gives this woman?”

We are in a perpetual state of transformation; a caterpillar changes into a butterfly thanks to a biological process known as metamorphosis. I am in the middle of a transformation of my own, thanks to a biological process known as being on a cruise-control relationship with the WOLF…(Now more like a domesticated white dire wolfthat prefers having her meal served to her…in a bowl…regularly… failure to which may lead to erotic asphyxiation). I might as well as be…married, Yes? Because getting hitched at 23 is like leaving the party at 9.30pm and that’s always fun! NOT.

“Who gives this woman?”

The ‘M’ word: marriage. Whilst it’s not for everyone, it’s ideal for the co-dependent, masochistic and criminally insane. Personally, the very thought unhinges me, something to do with being smothered in middle class conventions and perhaps something darker I can’t articulate. I wouldn’t even be having this soapbox moment if it weren’t for that damn Marriage Bill that has had men cradling their nut sacks in fear and women gleefully frothing at the loins for the past few days.

 “This Marriage Bill for excluding gay marriages, come we stay marriages, not allowing polyandry,for threatening to rule love with criminal sanctions of breach of marriage promise, this Marriage Bill is nonsense upon stilts.”-Eric Gitari, Human Rights Lawyer.

That bill has without a doubt also earned a standing ovation from my tallest finger.

True equality does not exist. Now that we all know that…What is better than marriage equality? Marriage freedom!  Government should not legislate relationships between anybody, period! Why should the government be concerned with what type of sex someone engages in or doesn’t?! A government that is not in charge of marriage, with exception of consanguinity (close blood relations), exploitation of minors, use of force and victimization and commercial trafficking of sexual favors. “Marriage” should not be a love license for adults but a structure for assigning and enforcing responsibility for the care of potential children produced/adopted to the extent of criminal prosecution and neglect. As a matter of fact, marriage is a religious term and therefore polarizes people. 

Awww, I love you so much right now!!!

A particular religion’s belief should not control secular law. The law should be changed to make every “marriage” a domestic partnership. This way, CONSENTING adults are not restricted from entering life-long commitments and religious individuals or organizations aren’t forced to acknowledge something they disagree with. Win-win..Yes? Those who choose to co-habit can formalize their arrangements through private contract process which the government can enforce but does not sanction. It’s not only about whose genitals are in whom. There are people who aren’t homosexual and have no family other than their“chosen” family. Shouldn’t they be allowed to form domestic partnerships that do not necessarily encompass sex?

Pipe dream huh? Kenya is not ready for separation of church and state. On the other hand, acceptance of the LGBTIQ community has risen from 5% to 8% …I think. That’s something.

Why would anybody want to get married anyway? 3 years down the line, you lie awake on the couch at 2AM cursing this icy, strident, self-important, castrating wasp you shackled your balls to as onion-sized mosquitoes wait for you to doze off…OR in “wedded bliss” with a beast, who according to the standards of his community, physical violence is forgivable in “men”: a natural response to having their virility stifled or thwarted, to the provocations of a shrewish wife.  “She pushed me over the edge, the bitch!!”

Every day, every month, every year should be a conscious decision, to stay with my domesticated dire wolf; my future stubby, whom I love. Not a legal binding suffocating agreement. Besides, what if she gets rabid and goes tots cray?? Lol!

“Who gives this woman?”

“I do.”

First things first though, I have to ditch the closet but…

 “You can’t call it coming out of the closet when the door was wide open, the closet was made of glass, and everyone could see you in there having gay sex.”

NB…PS..:A few years back in Saudi Arabia, a high ranking Islamic cleric issued a fatwa (Islamic legal decree) saying that female workers should breastfeed their male co-workers at least five times a day, to establish a family bond and preclude any sexual relations  and thus allow both sexes to be alone together at work. “A woman at work can take off the veil or reveal her hair in front of someone whom she breastfed.”*walks away*