Wolf, the ying to my yang, in one of those psychoanalytic philosophical episodes (read stoned moments) tried to explain to me how initial seemingly insignificant events culminate into large unforeseen consequences over time. An example being the simple tipping over of dominoes. (Did I hear you ask what the hell dominoes are?) For those of us who played actual games outside, recall this movie “butterfly effect”…starring Ashton Kutcher and his hair…those flared hipster trousers were just in…Kenyan music scene awash with that group “necessary noise” … good times.(Dude, she is too young for you if she was still in diapers trying to make sense of teletubbies when this movie hit)For those who blockbusters continuously pass them by, like my wolf, we shall remember you by updating Google and Wikipedia entries. The movie is self explanatory. (I don’t have to give you everything, do I?)
Yes… I don’t hate bisexuals; there must have been a chain reaction of events in their lives that led to that sexual orientation. No one can purport to play judge and jury unless you have lived in those same shoes. Life is ridiculously short, I advocate live and let live. I still would never consider dating a bisexual woman. This raises the question.To start off it’s just gross. Not to come off as porn-like and R-rated in my first post I will use butterflies, crayons, coloring as euphemism for you-know-what. Here goes; I do not wish to color on a butterfly that has been colored using crayons because the idea of being in contact with crayon residue makes me sick to my stomach, I do hope you have caught my drift by now. Just writing that has got all sorts of nasty images in my head. My imagination tends to be wild and free, knowing no bounds! (That’s the definition of imagination you boring prudes!)Second, risks of getting heinous incurable STDs and STIs are heightened. One just needs to trawl online pictures, medical journals and entries, what you will come across is enough to make you asexual. More so when there is no way to initially ascertain whether the bisexual woman in question is a skanky tramp or uses protection with her boyfriends. Men lie, women lie, it’s hard enough to take precaution during woman to woman sex! Dental dams are expensive and hard to come by. As if venereal genital warts and purulent discharges are not enough, why don’t I just throw in unplanned pregnancies into the mix and voila! A colossal mess is born!
Many bisexual women do it for sexual experimentation. Trying to discover what makes them tick, Going along for the adventure perhaps just to say they kissed a girl once and liked it. (thank you katy perry!!) I for one am least interested in being a post adolescent or premenopausal sexual crisis lab rat! (Do spare my feelings and get nipple rings instead!!)One of my many childish fears is comparison. In my head she will always compare me to him in every aspect of the relationship. For some unexplained reason many of them expect you to be 100% on board with dating you and a guy concurrently just to have the best of both worlds. (This is where I come off calling them greedy pigs!!). Despite the modern notion that what a man can do a woman can do tenfold better, in this particular case, it’s simply not a level playing field. They say men are from mars and women Venus; they are bound to bring radically different things to the table. Thence comes the pros and cons, weighing of options, relationship vetting process, consequently unhealthy competition would stem from that. I wouldn’t risk throwing my hat in that ring. (Need I disclose my fragile ego?)There is a fine line between having a bisexual girlfriend and having one of those friends-with-benefit arrangements that is lost on many bisexuals or at least the ones I’m acquainted with or have heard about. They have this irking tendency to volunteer tid bits about the men they are with or have been with in gruesome graphic details. It’s obvious how it titillates their fancy yammering on about their experiences when coloring with crayons. You are thrown into the role of agony aunt and before you and know it your breaking a bottle of beer over some innocent guys head because you can’t get the image of his rough hands on her bossom,backside and wherever else there is flesh to fondle! Oh sweet rage!(Am dark and twisty)
Regardless of the coloring, I don’t want to know what has been coloring your butterfly and neither does anybody with a pulse who is interested that way…fetishes are exempted. (Citing the butterfly effect, what do you think happened to an individual whose fetish is gang rape?)At the end of the day, its prince charming who gets to take her home to his well meaning but judgmental and overbearing mother.Its prince charming who gets to give her babies and get a pat on the back at the drinking den if it’s a boy.Its prince charming who gets to be her happily ever after if such a concept truly exists! Despite nay saying bisexuality, I suppose it all boils down to personal preferences. Loving an individual and not a label. To each his own, right? All I know is I don’t want to be the one left behind jaded and desolate, holding a rainbow banner on a float in a gay pride parade because our heteronormative homophobic society will always win by default.Nobody gets to have their cake and eat it in my world!
